Episode 110: How to Begin Processing Your Birth Story With Shelley Rahim

In this episode we talk with Shelley Rahim about how we can begin processing our birth story so that we can heal from it and be able to take pride in the experience. She goes into her own personal journey of entering motherhood and the steps she has taken to now be in a position of deeply helping women through this transition into the postpartum period. We touch on the history of birth and the ways different cultures have cared for and still continue to care for their new mothers. Shelley is a wealth of knowledge when it comes to healing in postpartum and gives us amazing tips on how to start understanding ourselves more during the transition into motherhood.

Connect more with Shelley Rahim:

Instagram: newmothercaregiving

Website: www.newmothercaregiving.com

Email: shelley@newmothercaregiving.com

BLOG: Processing Your Birth Story

Connect more with The Entering Motherhood Podcast:

Instagram: entering_motherhood and sarah_marie_bilger

Facebook: EnteringMotherhoodPodcast

Email: enteringmotherhood@gmail.com

HYTM Event: Heal Your Trauma Mama

Website: www.enteringmotherhood.com

Official Affiliates of the Podcast:

Made for Mama Shop (ENTERINGMOTHERHOOD for 15% off)

Postpartum University (Postpartum Nutrition Plan)

Hypnobabies (MOTHERHOOD20 for 20% off) 

Writing Down Your Birth Story

The act of writing not only preserves the memories, it also serves as an embodied way of integrating your experience. Writing slows the brain down allowing you to make meaning of those challenging moments (and the amazing moments, too!). Stream-of-consciousness writing is best. Just let the feelings flow, uncensored.

Ways to Write Down The Birth Story While It’s Fresh

• Print out the questions below and keep them in a drawer next to your bed. When the moment strikes, pull them out, reflect and write.

• Have a special journal in a drawer of your bedside table where you plan to write down the birth story. Keep a copy of the questions in this journal.

• For some people, writing is not their thing. You can speak your story, or moments of your story into your voice memo on your phone. Keep these questions in your notes and answer them in your voice memo.

Questions To Ponder When Reflecting On Your Birth Experience:

What did you do that was amazing?

What was one act of support or kindness that worked for you?

What was one thing you did for yourself that was helpful?

What’s one small moment of connection to yourself or your baby that you treasure?

What was one thing that surprised you?

What was your favorite part of your birth?

When was the moment you first felt like a mother/father/parent?

How did you cope through….?

What did your partner do that was the most helpful? What did they do that surprised you?

What did you do that was surprising?

When were there moments of struggle or resistance? How did you get through them?

Reflect on the MOST difficult moment. How did you get through it? What internal or external resources did you access?  --How did you know to do that?

How has giving birth and becoming a mother/father/parent changed you?

What do you know about yourself that you didn't know before giving birth?

Where are you starting to find pieces of compassion for yourself?

By writing your story down and integrating it into your psyche, you are owning your story, rather than your story owning you. You will be able to talk about it with your friends and family with self-compassion and pride. You will be able to pass on a legacy of birthing wisdom to your children, and your wisdom will be carried on through the birthing lineage for generations to come.

How To Help Our Loved Ones Process Their Birth Story

• Validate them. Genuinely. Perhaps you can recap a difficult moment for them and then say something like, “Wow. That sounds like a really intense moment for you.”

• Ask a solution-focused question like, “How did you know to do that?” Or, “How did you know to refuse that?” Or, “How were you so brave?” Or “How did you know to let go of that part of your birth plan?” Or "What was your favorite moment?"

• If they embrace the question and go deep with it, then you hit the jackpot! Just keep gently validating any self-discoveries that they make in the process of pondering your question. 

• Then, you can ask them this gem of a question: "What have you learned about yourself that you didn't know before giving birth?"